That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
