I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
