I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
