JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
