Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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