guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
