he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
