I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize