I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
