What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
