We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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