Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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