im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
