I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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