You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well I just put wine in my tea
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
