I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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