You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
