He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
