i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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