O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
