I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
