i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
