She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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