Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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