TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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