i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
