Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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