Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I've blown a few things in my day
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
