I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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