He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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