Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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