My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
