A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
