She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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