Im at strip club and am horny
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
