Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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