apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
