friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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