so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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