Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
