U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
