Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
