this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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