Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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