I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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