Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize