I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
