Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize