I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
