Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
