i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
