True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
