Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
