I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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