Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
