so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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