Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
