apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
