counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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