Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
