i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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