I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
