I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
