dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
