Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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