The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
