Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
