i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
