OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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