whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
