I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
