Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
