We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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