i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My vagina is officially offended.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
