So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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