I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
