How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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