i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
