If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
