Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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