I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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