My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
