so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize