my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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