Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
