If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
