Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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