If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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