my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
