We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
