So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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