can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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