Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
