Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
