come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
