dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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