I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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