Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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