Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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