I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
