I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
