Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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