I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
