i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
