I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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