Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this beer tastes like vomit already
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
