We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
