Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
