If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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