i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
