Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
