I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
