Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
