and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
