Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
