i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
