puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
