There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
